10 Ground Rules for Growth
On my self-actualization journey and in my coaching practice, I've found the following "ground rules for growth" to be immensely valuable. While many of these principles may be familiar, the true challenge lies not in simply knowing them but in consistently applying them. Both myself and my clients frequently revisit these guidelines whenever we feel lost or off track.
Whether you're embarking on your self-discovery journey or have been on it for years, may these principles serve as guiding lights, especially when common leadership personas—such as high-achieving and perfectionist parts—attempt to steer your path.
1. Start with where you are.
Awareness and Acceptance are essential for growth and development. You are on your own unique journey and wherever you are is where you are meant to be.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
2. Actualization, not Improvement.
It’s common for high-achievers to fixate on what we lack and what we need to do better. We then put pressure on ourselves to “do the work” to improve, which can easily lead to self-judgment, frustration, and impatience with the process. Self-actualization (aka enlightenment/ realization/unfolding) involves separating your future growth from your current self, understanding that you're not seeking growth because you're inadequate now, but because you're committed to realizing your full potential. Actualization is more of a “being-ness”, instead of a “doing-ness.” Occasionally, on your journey, pause to ask yourself: “How much of my doingness comes from presence and choice?”
3. You have to slow down to speed up.
This can be a tough pill for fast-paced entrepreneurs and executives to swallow. Slowing down to truly understand who we are and where we are and getting clear on who we aim to be and where we want to go is essential work that will help prepare us for accelerated growth going forward.
4. It often gets harder before it gets easier.
Many of my clients spend their days trying to achieve hockey stick growth with their businesses. I level-set expectations upfront, explaining that achieving personal growth goals often resembles a J-curve, with the initial dip representing early revelations, challenges, and setbacks as we navigate the process of learning and unlearning deeply ingrained patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior.
5. Growth is not a linear process.
Even if you slowed down and experienced the dip of the J-curve, it is unlikely you will move forward and upward quickly without additional setbacks. It could look that way if you zoom out, but when you zoom in it often looks like this.
6. Trust the process.
This is one I come back to often. Just because we don’t feel or see the growth doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Letting go of our timelines for growth, while staying focused and committed to the work is key. It helps to keep in mind that incremental growth can lead to exponential gains.
7. Compassion, not Judgement.
You can’t shame your way to growth. Giving yourself grace and compassion on your journey is essential. Tapping into your Inner Coach and quieting your Inner Critic will significantly facilitate your development process.
8. Progress, not perfection.
Growth is about continuous improvement. Setbacks and imperfections are natural and valuable aspects of the journey (and life). Holding onto an idealized perfect state or outcome negatively impacts our openness, flexibility, and resilience, and can hold us back rather than propel us forward.
9. Journey, not Destination.
It's easy for outcomes-driven executives to focus on an end-state where they achieve their development goals and have leveled up as leaders. They can fall into a space where they begin to view the work as a means to an end. Reframing growth to focus on the journey, not the destination helps us to stay present and engaged in the experiences and lessons we encounter along the way.
10. Everyone’s Journey is Unique.
Many leaders fall into the comparison trap, feeling like they aren’t changing or growing fast enough. It’s easy to feel like others are moving through change or challenges faster or better than we are or that everyone else has it all figured out. In fact, we have no idea what someone else’s journey has been because every journey is unique. As the saying goes, “Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20.”