The Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Dynamic: The Keys to Conscious Leadership

Written By Robyn Ward

When I reached my five-year milestone as an Executive Coach, I took stock of my journey and distilled five critical insights about leadership and leadership development that have proven true. One of these insights underscores that leadership is equally about psychology as it is about business. Indeed, leadership isn't just about making decisions and driving results; it's about understanding and navigating the complex human dynamics at play. I wrote:

“What I have also observed is that the more work leaders do to understand their own inner-worlds, the more curious and insightful they become about the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of others. Through the lens of psychology, they hone their people and management skills, including relationship-building, collaboration, motivating and coaching employees, conflict management, and more.”

As I share in this essay, “Parts and Personas Work” has profoundly impacted my client’s understanding of their personal and interpersonal psychology. Within this work, I have found the roles defined by the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) to be particularly resonant, with my clients consistently reporting that these frameworks have led to significant changes in their work and personal lives.

THE DRAMA TRIANGLE: RECOGNIZING UNHELPFUL PATTERNS

The Drama Triangle, developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman in the 1960s as a “social model for human interaction,” identifies three roles that people often unconsciously play in conflict situations: the Victim, the Persecutor (aka the Villain), and the Rescuer (aka the Hero). Understanding these roles can help you recognize and disrupt unproductive patterns.

  • Victim: The Victim feels powerless and overwhelmed, often blaming others or circumstances for their plight. Victims tend to be overly sensitive and defensive, often as a reaction to feelings of anger, resentment, and unworthiness. In the Victim mindset, individuals feel hopeless and powerless, believing that things are out of their control. This perspective can hinder problem-solving and decision-making.

In my coaching practice, this often manifests as founders or executives venting angrily about employees, partners, or investors who are not meeting their expectations. They complain of feeling stuck, frustrated, and exhausted because they struggle to influence outcomes and constantly feel overwhelmed by external pressures.

  • Persecutor/Villain: The Persecutor is the perceived cause of the Victim's problems. Persecutors can be a condition, situation, or person. When it is a person, they dominate others through blame and criticism, using this behavior to mask their insecurities. In the Persecutor mindset, individuals feel self-righteous and are overly focused on winning, which can get in the way of fostering collaboration and innovation.

Often, I see leaders in the role of Persecutor micromanaging or harshly critiquing their teams, contributing to a toxic environment. They also tend to be focused on being right instead of getting it right, which can shut down feedback and important conversations.

  • Rescuer/Hero: The Rescuer steps in to save the Victim from the Persecutor. Rescuers may save themselves, others, or the situation—often at their own expense, fostering dependency rather than empowerment.

It is common for leaders to instinctively hop into the Rescuer role by showing up as “The Fixer,” which inadvertently prevents their teams from developing their critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Then, they switch to the Victim role, feeling overwhelmed and claiming their people just aren’t cutting it.

Given the immense pressures of running an organization, it is not uncommon for leaders to rescue themselves by numbing out, which could manifest in addictions to drugs, alcohol, or excessive social media use. In many instances, workaholism serves as their Rescuer, allowing them to avoid confronting deeper emotional or organizational issues.

According to Karpman, many of us are trapped in the Drama Triangle because we have a “Victim Orientation.” We are moving through our lives on auto-pilot, reacting via fight, flight, or freeze at whatever problems arise. He writes, “While sleepwaking, you think your problem is out there to be fixed, not realizing how your own reactions contribute to your suffering. You believe the pain exists out there in your environment, and that if you can just fix that, through fighting, fleeing, or freezing- life will get better.” Instead, you just end up perpetuating your victim mentality and getting stuck in the Drama Triangle.

I frequently guide my clients to shift their focus from content to context. This is because truly transformative work occurs not by focusing on the problem itself, but rather on your relationship to the problem. The DDT is an extremely effective tool for exploring how you relate to specific challenges and conflicts, whether at work or home.

Take a moment to contemplate which of the DDT roles you most commonly take on. Now, think about a challenge or conflict you are experiencing. Can you identify the role/s you are playing?

THE EMPOWERMENT DYNAMIC: FOSTERING GROWTH + RESILIENCE

The antidote to the Dreaded Drama Triangle is The Empowerment Dynamic, introduced by David Emerald in his book The Power of TED. I highly recommend this book; it is a fable and a quick read with the potential for profound impact. Emerald’s TED framework redefines the roles, transforming them into the Creator, Challenger, and Coach—roles that foster growth, resilience, and collaboration.


  • Creator: The Creator takes responsibility and focuses on what they can influence. Instead of feeling victimized, leaders see challenges as opportunities to innovate and grow. They ask, "What can I create from this situation?"

  • Challenger: The Challenger encourages growth by asking tough questions and holding people accountable, but from a place of support and belief in their potential. They push their team to step up and improve rather than criticizing them into submission.

  • Coach: The Coach empowers others to find their own solutions, guiding them with wisdom and support. Leaders who adopt the Coach role foster independence and resilience in their teams and encourage a culture of continuous learning and development.


Take a moment to reflect on the following: Which of the TED roles is easiest/hardest for you to embody? When facing a setback, are you (and your team) able to transition quickly into a learning opportunity?

FISBE: FOCUS, INNER STATE, AND BEHAVIOR

When trapped in the Dreaded Drama Triangle, fear and anxiety dominate, and you fixate on problems. Conversely, in The Empowerment Dynamic, purpose and passion drive action, and you focus on outcomes and growth. In his book "The Power of TED," David Emerald presents "FISBE," which stands for Focus, Inner State, and Behavior, as a straightforward framework for illustrating the fundamental differences and correlating shifts between these approaches.


  • Focus: This is about where you direct your attention. In the Drama Triangle, the focus is often on problems and what's going wrong. In The Empowerment Dynamic, the focus shifts to desired outcomes and possibilities.

  • Inner State: Your inner state is your emotional and mental condition. In the Drama Triangle, this state is often characterized by feelings of fear, frustration, and anxiety. In The Empowerment Dynamic, the inner state is one of calm, curiosity, and creativity (notice these are the same traits of the Sage in Positive Intelligence and Self in IFS that we explore here).

  • Behavior: This refers to the actions you take. In the Drama Triangle, behaviors are reactive and defensive (fight, flight, or freeze), often perpetuating conflict and disempowerment. In The Empowerment Dynamic, behaviors are proactive and empowering, fostering collaboration, growth, and personal responsibility.


Another way to understand the difference is by considering the perspective of Victim Orientation of the DDT versus the "Creator Orientation" of TED. In Victim Orientation, you believe the world is happening "to you." In Creator Orientation, you feel the world is happening "by you." When operating as the Victim, your intention is to get rid of or escape from problems. As the Creator, your intention is to manifest the outcomes you envision. In Victim mode, you are paralyzed by fear and anxiety; as a Creator, you recognize that anxiety and fear are natural parts of the human experience and learn how to manage your emotions and move forward courageously.

Take a moment to think about your orientation. Are you mostly in Victim or Creator Orientation? Do you mostly think of things as happening to you or by you?

MAKING SHIFT HAPPEN

Learning to shift from the Dreaded Drama Triangle to The Empowerment Dynamic can be a game-changer. I have seen it time and time again with clients. I couldn’t agree more with Emerald when he writes “...it is the key to a more resourceful, resilient and fulfilling way to relate to others, your experience and yourself.”

Here are some tips and practices to help you shift from drama to empowerment:

1. Consciousness + EQ:

Like most growth work, shifting out of the DDT begins with increased consciousness to cultivate awareness of your roles, as well as your focus, inner state, and behavior. Becoming more conscious will create space for you to respond rather than react, enhancing overall emotional intelligence and enabling you to navigate challenges and conflict more effectively.

2. Reflection + Journaling:

Stories: It is human nature to make up stories when we don’t have all the information. Our brains also like to find patterns and assign roles - a la Victim, Persecutor, and Hero. Use your heightened consciousness to get clear on the stories you are running. As with parts work, try interviewing the personas you are playing to deepen your understanding of them. Awareness and acceptance are critical steps before shifting.


  • What is your story / what do you think, feel, and say?

  • Where in my body do you hang out?

  • How do you help me?

  • What are you most afraid of?


At any given moment, ask yourself: Are my stories disempowering or empowering? What do I really want here? Who and how do I want to be in this situation?

Language: Pay attention to the language you use in your stories about yourself and the world. Are they through the lens of victimhood? How often do you say “have to” and “should” as opposed to “get to” and “choose to”?

At the end of each day, write down which DDT roles you took on and what triggered their presence. Also, think about how often you were in Creator Orientation versus Victim Orientation. Quantifying this can be helpful to bring clarity and gauge improvement. For example, were you in TED 30% or 80% of the day? Contemplate how you might show up differently tomorrow.

3. Responsibility + Accountability:

Take ownership of how you show up. Acknowledge when you may be caught up in the Dreaded Drama Triangle dynamics and take responsibility for shifting your behavior. You must hold yourself accountable so that you can successfully cultivate a culture of accountability and empowerment within your organization.

4. Communication + Conflict:

Clearly communicate goals, expectations, and boundaries.

Approach challenges and conflict with curiosity. Practice a Learner rather than Knower Mindset. Hold the hard conversations; don’t hide from them. Set intentions for the conversations, come with an open mind and heart, ask questions, and actively listen.

Share your stories about the persona you are experiencing or the one you are projecting onto a teammate. For example, you might say, "The story I'm telling myself about why I wasn't included in the meeting is _________." This approach requires vulnerability and helps build and maintain trust and connection.

5. Meaning + Purpose:

Being in Creator Orientation means you are vision-focused and passion-motivated. Set intentions for your personal and professional life that align with your desired outcomes. Do the inner work to tap into - and lead from -  your purpose. Encourage your team to find their purpose and connect their personal goals with the company's mission.

“Everything can be taken from a (person) but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude at any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Psychologist, Concentration Camp Survivor Victor Frankel

WORKPLACE DRAMA

Research shows, “Employees in United States companies spend approximately 2.8 hours each week involved in conflict. This amounts to around $359 billion in hours paid that are filled with – and focused on – conflict instead of on positive productivity.” This already staggering number doesn’t even include the various soft costs associated with the mental and emotional strain of conflict, which accrue over time, reduce productivity, and eventually result in tangible financial expenses.

Understanding and applying the Dreaded Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Dynamic can transform your company by mitigating unhealthy behavior and promoting a culture of productive conflict, accountability, and collaboration. These changes will naturally enhance employee satisfaction and well-being, improve productivity and performance, and drive better financial results.

Take a moment to be honest with yourself about how much drama and conflict are impacting your company. You may want to ask a few team members this question during your next set of one-on-ones.

As a leader, when you notice yourself or your team slipping into Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer roles, pause and reflect: “How can I shift the dynamic toward the Creator, Challenger, or Coach?”

In practice, this might look like:

  • Encouraging a team member who feels overwhelmed (Victim) to identify small, actionable steps they can take (Creator).

  • Providing constructive feedback (Challenger) instead of criticizing a mistake (Persecutor).

  • Asking empowering questions (Coach) rather than solving a problem for someone (Rescuer).

THE BIGGER PICTURE

Business is, first and foremost, a human endeavor. And humans are complex! Which is why understanding psychology is invaluable. The Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Dynamic are high-impact models for this endeavor.

For leaders aiming to cultivate thriving organizations, understanding and implementing The Empowerment Dynamic is not just beneficial - it's essential. It enables a shift from merely managing to genuinely leading, from controlling to empowering, and from surviving to thriving. As a tool for conscious leadership, TED also influences broader systemic changes where institutions prioritize wholeness, fairness, equity, and sustainability.

Imagine the profound impact if we, as a society, deepened our awareness of the roles we play and their effects on our relationships with ourselves and others. Picture a world where we took responsibility for how we showed up, welcomed and appreciated being challenged and coached, and always assumed positive intent. Imagine if we shifted our perspective from fault and difference-finding to discovering common ground and co-creating the way forward.

Beyond organizational benefits, this collective commitment to The Empowerment Dynamic would help individuals and communities transcend victim mentalities and embrace agency, responsibility, and productive conflict resolution.

In today's turbulent times, it's more crucial than ever for leaders to embrace conscious leadership and The Empowerment Dynamic. By fostering environments of trust, collaboration, and empathy, leaders can dismantle toxic cultures and guide their teams toward positive transformation. Now is the moment to champion these principles, not only to heal and elevate our organizations but also to contribute to a more harmonious and equitable world.

Do you see your team struggle to communicate and get stuck in the dreaded drama triangle? Learn about my trainings and workshops that can be catered to your team's unique needs.

RESOURCES FOR THIS ARTICLE

Robyn Ward
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