Parts Work: IFS, Self-Awareness, and Self-Leadership
I recently found myself communing with a 1,000-year-old Redwood tree nicknamed “Momma.” Her trunk, the largest I have ever seen, rose majestically, with reddish-brown bark and branches lush with vibrant green leaves reaching skyward far beyond my sight. In the twenty minutes I spent with her, “Momma” nurtured me as she had nurtured the surrounding ecosystem for centuries. Sitting with her was both awe-inspiring and profoundly peaceful. I experienced a deep stillness and a sense of oneness I find elusive in my day-to-day life.
Notably, the parts of me that often disrupt my ability to be present and grounded—my achieving, perfectionist, and critical parts—were silent.
BACKGROUND - PARTS AND PERSONAS WORK
Exploring these “parts” is what led me to beautiful Northern California in the first place. I was there to attend an Internal Family Systems weekend workshop called “Harmony Within.” If you are new to IFS, it is a therapeutic approach developed by Dick Schwartz forty years ago that has gained increasing traction recently.
My interest in IFS was piqued during the pandemic while reading Bessel Van Der Kolk's transformative book, "The Body Keeps the Score." The very next book I read, “Fierce Self-Compassion” by Dr. Kristen Neff, also referenced IFS. That sealed the deal, and I dove head-first into learning all about Schwartz and his model.
At the heart of the IFS model lies the concept that each of us comprises multiple psychological parts. Just think about it: how often do you feel like parts of you are at odds with other parts? For example, a part of you wants to rest and hang out with your family on Sunday night, and another part wants to jump on the workweek ahead.
The concept of parts—also known as "personas" or "sub-personalities"—is well-established in psychological theory. Carl Jung explored this idea through his definition of archetypes and ego as fundamental elements of the human personality. Similarly, Gestalt therapy utilizes the empty chair technique, enabling clients to interact with various parts of themselves. Voice Dialogue therapy is another modality that focuses on giving voice to our inner voices.
The exploration of parts and personas is also integrated into coaching in myriad ways. In my leadership practice at FounderForward, we often work with The Karpman Drama Triangle and The Empowerment Dynamic. Both are based on typical personas we assume; the former includes the roles of victim, persecutor, and rescuer, and the latter includes the antidote roles of creator, challenger, and coach.
Positive Intelligence, a coaching framework in which I’m trained, focuses on "helping every human build mental fitness to fulfill their true potential for both happiness and contribution." It emphasizes operating from our “Sage,” our calm and creative self, rather than our “Saboteurs,” our inner voices driven by negative thoughts and emotions. Positive Intelligence identifies ten Saboteurs (parts), including The Judge, which we all share, along with nine accomplice Saboteurs: the Controller, Hyper-Achiever, Restless, Stickler, Pleaser, Hyper-Vigilant, Avoider, Victim, and Hyper-Rational.
Third-party assessments, widely used in the business world, can also help you understand your various parts. The Myers-Briggs assessment, for example, actually traces its 16 personality types back to Jung’s archetypes. Similarly, the Enneagram, which has recently gained popularity with companies, is based on types that can be viewed as different parts of the self.
By way of example, I am an Enneagram Type 3 (Achiever), with a Sub-type 1 (Perfectionist). This squares with my top 2 Saboteurs: Stickler (Perfectionist) and Hyper-Achiever. These Saboteurs correspond with the parts I frequently address in my IFS therapy: "The Hyper-Achiever" and "The Perfectionist." Anecdotally, these are common parts that often dominate the lives of the founders and executives I work with. Gaining awareness of your parts and learning to integrate them, regardless of the tool or framework, is a worthy endeavor for anyone striving to be the best leader (and human) they can be.
BACK TO IFS: THE MODEL
Before I get into the details of Dick Schwartz’s work, it is essential to note that Dick is a systems thinker and IFS is based on Systems Thinking. I share this: 1) because it helps many of my executives (particularly engineering leaders) stay engaged, and 2) because it is crucial to understanding how our parts work together in an intricate and delicate ecosystem.
Some parts may collaborate as allies, while others can be in conflict or polarized against each other. However, as IFS emphasizes, there are no inherently bad parts; each part has a purpose and value. One of the goals of the work is to help us bring harmony and balance to our internal system. Hence, the name of the weekend retreat I attended: “Harmony Within.”
Another element of our inner system is the Self, akin to the “soul” or “essence” often referenced in various religious and spiritual traditions. IFS aims to help us become Self-led, characterized by experiencing what Dick Schwartz terms the 8 C’s: Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Compassion, Confidence, Connectedness, Creativity, and Courage. Notably, in IFS, our Self is not a passive observer or witness. It is an active internal force that allows us to empower, re-parent, and resource ourselves.
While leading from Self makes a lot of sense, most of us are dominated by our parts. As noted, parts are a natural part of the inner system, and each part serves a purpose. Some parts, however, carry burdens. Burdens are extreme beliefs and uncomfortable emotions that came into the system from an attachment injury or a trauma relating to a painful situation like bullying, divorce, or abuse. These burdened parts get forced into protective roles and manifest as one of two types:
Managers keep you in control and successful. They are proactive. Examples include critical, worrier, perfectionist, controlling, and hyper-vigilant parts.
Firefighters act up and take you out of control. They are reactive. Examples include angry, addicted, and fighting parts.
In IFS, both managers and firefighters work hard to protect our most wounded parts, which are known as “exiles.” Exiled parts are frozen in time (often in childhood) to when they first felt scared, hurt, worthless, or ashamed. Often, these parts are also rejected within our external family system, such as in families where showing emotions is seen as a sign of weakness. In response, we push them even further into exile.
“Your protectors work tirelessly and valiantly to keep pumping air into your ego so it doesn’t deflate and sink into the abyss of exiled emotions.” Dick Schwartz
The initial work of IFS therapy involves identifying and understanding your protectors to build a relationship with them. The goal is to gain their trust and make them feel safe enough to “step back” to allow your Self to engage with your exiled parts. This process can take time and may require working with several protectors before you gain direct access to the exiles they protect. Once you can dialogue with an exile, the work involves witnessing its story and helping it release, or "unburden," its pain. When the exiles are unburdened, the protectors also release their burdens, as their protective roles are no longer necessary.
MY RETREAT WORK
To make this all more concrete, I will share some of the specifics of the work we did at the retreat, which complemented the ongoing work I’ve been doing with my IFS therapist and online training circle.
As noted at the start of this piece, a protector part that I am “blended” with is an achieving part that I have named “The Hyper-Achiever.” Being “blended” with this part means that the part is so closely integrated with my identity and everyday functioning that it is difficult to distinguish between the part and my Self. Moreso than any other work I have done, IFS has helped me truly understand and appreciate this part of me. It has also shed light on the dynamic relationships between this part and its close counterparts: The Critic and Ms. Anxious. Through this exploration, I've gained valuable insights into how these parts interact and influence each other, deepening my understanding of myself and how I navigate the world.
Below are IFS interview questions for a blended protector. At the retreat, we worked through these in pairs. I've included my Hyper-Achiever’s responses in bold.
1. What would you like me to know about you?
I work my ass off to make you who you are.
2. How often are you around? What kinds of things do you say?
I am around all the time. I am the persistent, stern voice demanding : “Work harder and faster.”
“You can always do more to be smarter and better.”
“Let’s go. You gotta keep moving the ball forward. Don’t fall behind.”
“You must maintain control to ensure success and avoid failure.”
“You are what you accomplish.”
“Sundays are for getting ahead.”
“Look at all these smart, successful, impactful people around you.”
3. Are there parts of the body where you hang out?
I am the tightness in your shoulders and the shortness of your breath.
4. What is your role or job, how do you help?
I help you accomplish things and be successful.
5. How long have you been doing this job?
As long as I can remember. At least since Little League and Kindergarten.
6. When did you take on this role? Why?
I earned you praise and validation. I took on this role to help you feel worthy and loved.
7. Do you enjoy what you are doing, or do you just think you have to do it?
Interesting, I have never really thought about this. I have been on auto-pilot for 4 decades so I just think I have to do it. I would enjoy it more as a part-time gig I think.
8. Is there something else you would rather be doing?
I am pretty exhausted. I think I’d like to spend some time chilling out. Like some mix of rest and play would be nice.
9. What are you afraid would happen if you stopped doing what you do?
I guess I’m afraid Robyn would fall behind, not achieve her goals, and not step into greatness. Underneath that, I worry without her external scorecard, Robyn will feel empty and worthless. And she won’t feel loved - by herself or others.
10. How old do you think _________ is?
I think Robyn is around 5 or 6.
11. Do you feel appreciated by ________?
Sometimes. She definitely listens to me and she likes it when she accomplishes her goals. But she also gets angry at me for always driving and not letting her relax.
12. Is there anything else you would like us to know?
Maybe it’s time for a new way of operating for both her and me.
13. _________, have you been listening, and can you thank the protector for what it has shared? Can you extend some appreciation for the ways it tries to help?
Yes, I know how hard my Hyper-Achiever works, and I understand she just wants me to feel worthy and loved. I appreciate that very much.
Once we do the work to identify, understand, and appreciate our parts, we can begin to be with our parts and not be our parts. We can speak for our parts and not from them.
As noted, the most transformative way to work with a burdened part is to heal the exile it protects and free it from its burdens. This delicate work should be pursued under the guidance of a certified IFS therapist or coach. You can access the IFS directory of practitioners here.
Before exploring how parts work can benefit you as a leader and how you might get started, I'd like to share a personal revelation from my experience at the IFS retreat. In addition to the individual burdens we carry, we also inherit legacy burdens from previous generations within our family system, society, or culture. These burdens often stem from unresolved traumas or unhealed wounds that continue to influence individuals and families until they are addressed and healed.
During the retreat, I made a significant discovery about the roots of my own "Hyper-Achiever" protector part. I realized that this aspect of myself originated as a protective mechanism in my grandfather Robert, after whom I am named. Despite starting life as an uneducated orphan responsible for raising his two younger brothers, he ultimately became a successful serial entrepreneur. His achiever part served the crucial role of "hustling for survival” before it evolved into "hustling for worth, validation, and love."
This revelation illuminated how his "Hyper-Achiever" and the exile it protected - which desperately sought unconditional love - were passed down to my mother, who, at the age of 78, still works seven days a week. These patterns were then inherited by me, and I am determined not to pass this conflation of achievement and self-worth onto my 4-year-old. Engaging with IFS kicked off a healing process that is profoundly altering my relationship with myself and my family.
HOW PARTS WORK + IFS WORK BENEFIT LEADERS
Having experienced the profound benefits of personas and parts work - particularly the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model - firsthand, I now incorporate various elements of this work into my coaching practice.
Unsurprisingly, the founders and executives I work with have also found parts work transformational. First and foremost, it helps cultivate deep self-awareness by providing a greater understanding of our motivations, fears, behaviors, and decision-making processes. It also strengthens emotional intelligence and regulation by helping us engage with our anger, fear, and stress in healthier ways. Consequently, it enables us to navigate change, complexity, and conflict with greater calm and resilience.
Parts work also helps develop somatic intelligence by encouraging sensory awareness to identify where each part resides in the body. By focusing on building trust between our parts and the Self, we create more internal space and become more embodied. This is particularly beneficial for executives who often spend their days in their heads, disconnected from the wisdom of their bodies.
Of course, there are countless benefits to leading from Self (and embodying the 8 C’s of IFS). While it’s impossible to address them all in detail here, you can delve deeper into two of the C’s by exploring our essays on Curiosity and Compassion.
At its core, parts work is immensely powerful because it facilitates a deeper, more authentic self-understanding, provides a greater sense of wholeness and well-being, and helps cultivate stronger personal and professional relationships.
THE WORK - GETTING STARTED
Below are some exercises to kickstart your parts journey.
Identifying Your Parts
Many of our parts have been with us for a long time, so you might already be familiar with them. If the concept of parts or sub-personalities is new to you, start by being mindful of the different voices in your head. Over a two-week period, track these voices using the Notes app on your phone. By the end of the two weeks, you should be able to identify a few recurring themes and determine some of your distinct parts.
Taking the Positive Intelligence Saboteurs Assessment is another great jumping-off point. It will tell you your top Saboteurs and provide in-depth descriptions of all ten. Below is a summary of each from the Positive Intelligence website.
Judge: The Universal Saboteur. It is the one that beats you up repeatedly over mistakes or shortcomings, warns you obsessively about future risks, wakes you up in the middle of the night worrying, gets you fixated on what is wrong with others or your life, etc.
Avoider: Focusing on the positive and pleasant in an extreme way. Avoiding difficult and unpleasant tasks and conflicts.
Controller: Anxiety-based need to take charge and control situations and people’s actions to one’s own will. High anxiety and impatience when that is not possible.
Hyper-Achiever: Dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation. Latest achievement quickly discounted, needing more.
Hyper-Rational: Intense and exclusive focus on the rational processing of everything, including relationships. Can be perceived as uncaring, unfeeling, or intellectually arrogant.
Hyper-Vigiliant Continuous intense anxiety about all the dangers and what could go wrong. Vigilance that can never rest.
Pleaser: Indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering others. Loses sight of own needs and becomes resentful as a result.
Restless: constantly in search of greater excitement in the next activity or constant busyness. Rarely at peace or content with the current activity.
Stickler: Perfectionism and a need for order and organization taken too far. Anxious trying to make too many things perfect.
Victim: Emotional and temperamental as a way to gain attention and affection. An extreme focus on internal feelings, particularly painful ones. Martyr streak.
Per Shirzad Chamine, the creator of Positive Intelligence, “The Saboteurs push you into action and success through anger, regret, fear, guilt, anxiety, shame, obligation, etc. But the Sage pulls you into action through compassion, curiosity, creativity, the joy of self-expression, a desire to contribute and create meaning, and the excitement of action. Would you rather be pushed or pulled? Only the Sage lets you achieve success without sacrificing happiness and peace of mind.” As you likely noted reading this quote, Positive Intelligence and IFS are very aligned, with The Sage representing Self and Saboteurs representing parts.
Asking yourself the following question can also help you surface some of your parts: When I feel shame or fear, I protect myself by...
Note: you do not have to name your part - a la “The Controller,” “The Principal,” or even “Patty the Perfectionist.” You can simply identify it as “a controlling part” or “a part of me that needs to be in control.” Do whatever feels most natural and effective for you.
Here's one more exercise from the IFS retreat that I found beneficial. Next to each Self trait, note how often you experience it. Another way to think about it is to consider which traits you feel most or least connected to. Finally, contemplate what part/s may be blocking your ability to access each trait. Again, I am providing some of my answers for guidance.
Interviewing Your Parts
The first step in dialoguing with your parts is to anchor yourself in the present moment. Focus your attention on your breathing and bodily sensations, and see if you can connect with a 'trailhead'—a specific feeling, emotion, thought, or energy that represents a part of yourself. Once you've identified this part, you can engage with it using the IFS interview questions provided earlier. If this is daunting or difficult, perhaps focus on just the following five questions to get started.
What is your story / what do you think, feel, and say?
Where in my body do you hang out?
When did you come into my life?
How do you help me?
What are you most afraid of?
I've engaged with this process for twelve parts (and counting) thus far. I keep all the interviews in a running document that I frequently revisit and encourage my clients to do the same. It’s worth noting that some parts are much harder and take much longer to access than others. Also, when you are dialoguing with a part, another part may get in the way. If you feel anything other than curiosity towards a part (such as anger), an interfering part is likely present, and you need to ask it to step back kindly. As you can see, this work involves subtle nuances, which is why working with a trained coach or therapist can be incredibly beneficial.
When working with clients to identify their parts, I encourage them to assign a specific gesture or pose to each part, sometimes even an accompanying voice. One of my former coaches from the Conscious Leadership Group introduced this technique to me. Initially, it might feel unusual or even silly, but it is a highly effective method for recognizing and distinguishing which part is driving at any given moment. This approach also helps to lighten the intensity associated with particular parts and makes it easier to separate and tap back into Self.
Creating Your Board
Visualization can be a powerful personal development tool, especially in parts work. I guide my clients to imagine a long boardroom table, complete with chairs, drawn on a piece of paper. At the head of this table, they write "Self" next to the chairman's seat, indicating where their core, non-reactive, non-egoic Self ideally presides. Along the sides of the table, they list the names or roles of their other parts.
The aim is for the Self to lead, embodying calm and clarity. However, it's common for other parts to occupy the head chair, sometimes without the person's conscious awareness. During our sessions, when a client becomes noticeably emotional or fixates on a problem, I prompt them to pause and consider who might be "running the meeting." This simple act of identification often leads to profound insights and a significant "aha" moment, clarifying which parts are influencing their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors at that time.
I encourage you to create your own board table and to check in with yourself across the day by asking: “Who is sitting at the head of the table right now?” If it is a part, take a moment to get curious about what it needs in order to relinquish the head chair to Self and kindly take a different seat around the table.
Daily Work
Dick Schwartz refers to IFS as “a life practice that helps you relate internally to your parts and externally to the people in your life.” He encourages us to think about parts work akin to daily meditation. This means spending time daily engaging in compassionate dialogue with whatever parts you are actively working with. Locate them in your body and get curious about how they are doing. Ask questions like, "What do you need?" or "How can I help you feel safe?" to foster a deeper understanding and connection to Self and your parts.
Journaling is another excellent way to cultivate awareness of whether you predominantly lead from the Self or various parts. At the end of each day, spend some time contemplating which parts were active and what triggered their presence. Also, think about how often you were in Self-leadership. Quantifying this can be helpful to bring clarity and gauge improvement. For example, were you in Self 30% or 80% of the time?
Daily practices of mindfulness, self-care, gratitude, and self-compassion are also part of nurturing your Self and your parts.
THE BIG PICTURE
Parts and personas work is impactful work that can significantly bolster leadership skills by fostering self-awareness, compassion, and emotional regulation, among other benefits. However, the potential of this work extends far beyond any one individual's journey toward self- mastery.
How we relate to our inner world profoundly impacts how we interact with the outer world. If we harbor hatred or disdain for our parts, we will likely project those feelings onto others who remind us of them. Conversely, if we collectively embrace and love all our parts, we can extend that love to all people.
Imagine how different our world could be if everyone engaged in this work. If we were mostly living in Self and no longer allowing our personal and legacy burdens to dictate our lives.
A core goal of IFS is "to bring Self-leadership and Self-energy to the world," recognizing that Self is inherently contagious. In this context, the "Momma" Redwood I communed with at the IFS retreat is an ideal symbol for parts work. Just as the Redwood supports its own existence and growth while sustaining a rich ecosystem, parts work nurtures individual growth and fosters a more compassionate, interconnected world.
“When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.”
– John Muir
Want to dive deeper into this work? Check out the below resources.
Books and articles
Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life
Subpersonalities - The People Inside Us
The Power of Ted - The Empowerment Dynamic
The Archetypes and The Collective Unconscious
Podcasts w/ Dick Schwartz
Multiplicity of the Mind: An Approach to Healing the Inner Self
Conversation with Alanis Morissette
A note of appreciation for the teachers, mentors, and friends who have supported me on my parts journey. Big shoutout to Dick and Jeanne Schwartz, as well as Marina Hassanali of IFS, Steve, Jonathan, Andy & Jenny - my awesome Positive Intelligence Pod crew, Dolores - my CLG coach extraordinaire, and Anna, Janine, and Jenny (yes, again!) - my soul-team mates. Grateful for each and every one of you!